the hits just keep on comin'

From prolific commenter Wrye, who is threatening to start blogging again, but for now has no link...
In the interest of regional balance, having heard from Edmonton, let us now hear from Montreal:

Radio Free Vestibule--I Don't Want to go to Toronto:

(I don't want to go to Toronto, I don't want to go...)
I don't want to go to Toronto,
I don't want to go
All of the blocks are square,
None of the streets are twisted;
None of the streets are paved with bricks;
There's too many elevators in Toronto--
Not enough stairs in Toronto
Not enough stairs!

(I don't want to go to Toronto, I don't want to go...)

All of the food in Toronto is made of edible oil products
They don't have bagels in Toronto
They have doughnuts,
Doughnuts made of edible oil!
I don't like doughnuts,
They don't have bagels!

(I don't want to go to Toronto, I don't want to go...)

I don't want to go to Toronto!
People don't have faces in Toronto
They have cigarette ads, instead
They listen to your phone calls
THERE'S A TOWER IN TORONTO THAT CONTROLS PEOPLE'S MINDS!!!
It's illegal to possess brightly coloured balloons in Toronto
Illegal to own brightly coloured balloons!

(I don't want to go to Toronto, I don't want to go...)

All of the children in Toronto must wear suits
Even the girls, three piece suits!
The buildings in Toronto have no windows
I don't want to go
Everyone lives in sub-terranean caverns
Filled with doughnuts made of edible oil
I don't want to go!

(I don't want to go to Toronto, I don't want to go...)

Nobody goes to the bathroom in Toronto
They have a special operation
They have it removed surgically
There's a tax on all wicker goods in Toronto
There's huge buildings with no windows
And streets with no curves
And inside you find little girls in suits
Running around with black balloons
And munching on edible oil products

(I don't want to go to Toronto, I don't want to go...)

The kids don't have names;
They have numbers which are assigned to them at birth
They're called "Three hundred and eighty seven point seven",
"Four hundred and twelve point nine"
And they all have cigarette ads instead of faces
I don't want to go to Toronto
I don't want to go
I have plenty of wicker goods
I don't want a tax on my wicker goods
I like going to the bathroom
I don't want to go the hospital
I don't want to go to Toronto
I don't want to go
Do I have to go to Toronto?
Do I?
Do I have to go?
I don't want to go
Do I have to go to Toronto?
I don't want to go...
Cool song. However, I must tell you that this:
Everyone lives in sub-terranean caverns
Filled with doughnuts made of edible oil
is why Allan wants to move in the first place. You thought it was for a more democratic society? Ha. Allan is planning on living in a subterranean cavern: we are setting up his office in our basement. In addition to his computer and a TV, there's a bathroom and a fridge down there, so I'll basically see him, well, never. Fill it with doughnuts, and we should say goodbye right now.

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